07/15/2009

Lisa Fuller's article titled "How Elder Mediation Can Help Families Make Decisions" will be published in the 2009/2010 Senior Sourcebook which can be found in many Doctor's offices, law offices and hospitals. Lisa discusses what makes elder mediation unique and when is the best time to use an elder mediator.     

"One of my sisters lives in Vermont and the other lives in New York. My mother lives here with me and she is starting to fail. She refuses to move to a facility. I feel like I am on my own taking care of her while trying to take care of myself and my own family as well."

"Dad just had a fender bender but he is refusing to give up his keys. We are worried about him and the other drivers on the road. My father says that if we do anything to take away his keys, he will kick us out of his will."

Do these stories sound all too familiar? Many families just don't know how to navigate these emotional conflicts. Consequently, feelings get hurt. People get hurt. And families suffer.

Every family has challenges. When elder care issues start to arise, families often experience new stress and conflict. Many families want to do the right thing, they just can't agree on what that is. Elder mediation helps families work together to reach consensus.

Elder mediation is a process where the mediator has specific knowledge in elder care issues and the aging process. The mediator's role is not to make decisions. The mediator acts as a neutral party who creates a safe environment for each family member, including the parent(s), allowing everyone involved to feel heard. The ideal outcome is consensus.

When can Elder Mediation help? When:

• There is disagreement regarding what care is   needed for a loved one
• Determining if a parent can stay safely at home or needs to move to a facility
• Determining if a parent should continue to drive
• One family member is feeling they are doing more than other family members
• There are Estate issues including inheritance disputes
• There are Guardianship and conservator issues
• There are conflicts between families and facilities

There are many benefits to using elder mediation before major conflicts occur. Using elder mediation early can help families establish a plan that is agreed to by everyone which reduces the risk of further disagreements in the future. It is also a cost effective solution helping to save families time and expense by reaching consensus before relationships are irrevocably damaged and/or attorneys are hired.

The greatest benefit comes from the results. When the final consensus is reached, it is a win/win for all involved. Family relationships can be restored in an environment where everyone works together instead of fighting with each other. Families are able to communicate openly and respectfully allowing them to develop solutions that work for everyone.

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